my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
