Will you blow on my dice?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
