Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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