just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
