The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize