we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
