He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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