This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
one might say we're banned from that church
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
