so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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