dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
