i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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