Will you blow on my dice?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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