I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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