yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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