pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
