How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize