This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
