I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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