My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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