We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
