I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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