I molested 6 butterflies tonight
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I love having hate sex.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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