Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
PANTIES FOUND
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