We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
