I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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