Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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