At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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