i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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