Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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