in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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