when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
