Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
