I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
