just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
