I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize