I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
