sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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