Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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