I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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