i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
