Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
