I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
