There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
