It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
