you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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