everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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