Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
