Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
