I have demons in me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I love you. Go after that dick
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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