I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize