dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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