He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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