oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
FUCK WHALES
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
