i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
