i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
