zippers are such a cool invention
Four minutes until I can fart!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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