Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
