I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
