Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
