she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
