we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
