KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
