I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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