so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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