Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
