i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
