Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
